Sunday, May 20, 2018

5/13/2018

A GUY.

A super attractive, tall, sexy, funny, smart guy has been talking to me for the past week. Gaahhahhhhhh!
We met last week at send, he's an alumnus who graduated in 2016. He's 24 and works in SF as a financial analyst and is just really...cool... kind of dorky and bro-y but cool!!
He's best friends with one of the other alumni who I've known since the beginning of the school year. I remember hearing his voice while his friend was on the phone with him in his car and i said hi but that was it but at send I put the face to the name and boy.. he is CUTE. At first, that's all I noticed about him but then during a break before the panel, he started talking to me and asking about my major. We made intense eye contact, but I didn't really know what was going on. And then he kept talking to me and being pretty flirtatious. He was on the panel as one of the alumni and was really impressive. Afterward, he kept being flirty and during dinner said "How's our first date going? Am i doing a good job?" AHAH.
We talked some more to each other and I learned that he's really into MCU movies too and is an introverted person who'd rather stay at home and watch a movie.
That Sunday, I followed him on instagram and he followed me back and messaged me that night. We've been talking through DM's for the past week ANNDDDD yeah its fun :--)))))
I really wanna get to spend some more time with him in person and get to know him more and according to him, he might be moving back to la soon!!! SO WE'LL SEE HOW THIS GOES HAHA THIS IS FUN HE'S CUTE LIKE REALLY FUCKING CUTE WITH A REALLY NICE BODY LMAOLMAOLMAO

Sunday, May 6, 2018

5/7/2018

Dear Adam,

It has been 6 days since we broke up and 5 days since I last talked to you.
I have been able to move on with my life easier than I thought, but that doesn't mean I'm not hurting from the break up. Most of the day, I can do it. I can be with my family, laugh with my friends, study, go to class, go to work. But there are also bad moments where I want to crawl into bed and never get up.
But these moments are important. I need to have these sad, bad moments because I'm grieving the loss of something very special that we had. Our relationship was something so big in our lives. So much growth came out of it and I was so so so convinced that you were The One. My soulmate. The man that I would marry. But as life had it, it wasn't that simple.
I'm still not sure why (and who knows if I'll ever be), but your feelings faded away again, similar to how they did last year. We were feeling the emotional distance and it was hurting us. I wanted to push forward despite this and find a way to get our passion back, even if it meant we had to fake it or go through a bad phase. But instead, you reflected on these feelings and realized that you couldn't give me what I wanted and that your romantic feelings for me had faded away.
I have been struggling and hurting over your reasoning, but day by day I'm slowly accepting it. I figure it's because your life is changing and maybe it is causing you inner turmoil trying to decide how I fit into it. Maybe it's some issue within yourself and committing to someone long term. Either way, there's something about it that makes it so we really aren't a good fit for each other, deep deep inside. People can't change that quickly, even if last year I thought you had. There were warning signs out there, from the multiple times we almost broke up because of your feelings and the time we actually did. This break up may have saved us from something worse down the line.
That doesn't mean that the time we spent together was useless. The years I spent with you were some of the most formative and maturing in my life. I am who I am today because of all of the emotional support and growth you provided for me. Not only that, but I have discovered so many new things to enjoy and love because of you and your encouragement! Certain video games, tv shows, and playing the ukulele just to name a few. So many good things in my life came from you and I don't resent you at all.
There are times when I go to a bad place that I get frustrated at you. Frustrated that you couldn't just wait until you came back home to really analyze our relationship. Frustrated that you gave up on us rather than trying to fix it. But I can't change your feelings. That is something that is beyond my control. We did everything that we could to make our relationship work, but there are just some things that can't be changed.
This is for the best. We will both grow from this and find out more about ourselves. But I don't want to lose you. And I know you don't want to lose me. Even though it hurts right now, we will definitely still be a part of each other's lives. And who knows whether that's as close friends or something more?
In the end, I'm so happy to have met you. I miss you like crazy, but what can you do? When we meet again in August, I wonder how we will feel and how we will change.
Until then, please be as happy as you can be. Don't make bad decisions. Be honest with me about anything that needs to be said. Grow and find yourself as much as you can.
I love you.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

4/28/2018

Adam and I had a long talk today about a problem we've been having in our relationship. The last few calls that we've had, it feels like we've been emotionally distant, and part of that has to do with the fact that because of the distance, we're not involved in each other's lives. It's become totally separated, and we talked about whether that's been happening in the past and if it'll happen when he comes back. It led us to talk about how we're not involved enough in each other's social lives.
Anyways, for the time being, I suggested that we try to talk more candidly about each other's days rather than glazing over what basically happened. He said he wasn't sure about if it'll work or not, but its not like he has any other ideas. We ended up talking for a couple hours about it, but he says he still wants to talk about it. I'm not sure what else we can talk about, but I guess it's important that we do.

Afterwards, I came down to eat and 50 First Dates was playing on the TV. I really love that movie, its kind of silly but it's set in Hawaii and the premise is really sweet, so I love watching it.

Tomorrow I'm gonna try to tell Adam all the things that happened during my day since our last call and he'll do the same and we'll see how we feel about it. It's really tricky trying to figure out what we can do to make our conversations deeper and more emotionally intimate given the long distance. I hope we can come up with a permanent solution.

Monday, March 5, 2018

3/3/2018 and 3/4/2018

This weekend was so nice!!!

3/3/2018:

  • CAME HOME
  • Saw me mum dad and brothers
  • SAW NINA
  • Bought me a really nice dress and lipsticks
  • walking around w nina at the mall being goofs 
  • Bonello's afterwards
  • Relaxing in her room watching school of rock and james corden bits and doing some work in between
3/4/2018:
  • Visiting seafood city again
  • Eating kare kare and sinigang at tita celia's!!!!
  • Filipino food in general always makes me so happy
  • Relaxing in the cozy blanket mom got me
  • Calls w adam for both days of course!!!

Sunday, February 25, 2018

2/24/2018 HIGHLIGHTS


  • The fact that I had an R&R day to rest my mind and body
  • Civ VI new game as Scythia
  • Eating Tocino flavored spam
  • BAKING a flourless chocolate cake!
  • Getting to sit down and watch some anime
    • Terror in Resonance
    • Tsuki ga Rei 
  • Ordering a CPK Thai chicken pizza thin crust
  • Call with Adam
    • Talking about Pokemon for like 15 minutes
    • Playing our new game of Civ VI together~
    • ONE MORE MONTH LEFT 

Saturday, February 24, 2018

2/23/2018 HIGHLIGHTS

Switching back to my notebook journaling, so I wanna use this to put highlights of every day that I can to remind myself of the good times I have.
Yesterday...

  • Got back my mechanics midterm and scored a 100!!!!!!! 
  • Ate a delicious salad that I made at Greenhouse
  • Kapalympics :-)
    • Seeing Chris again after SO long
    • Veggie hot dogs with Aioli sauce
    • Jalapeno and artichoke dip
    • Ultimate frisbee
    • The pictures of Marc with his mustache......
    • Getting snacks and Arizona tea from Markee after he dropped me off at my apartment
  • Getting a message back from Nathan about the Cornelius tour... still wild to me tbh
  • My call with Adam AS ALWAYS
    • Started a new Civ game 
    • Lots of silly banter about fighting over land since our countries were put right next to each other 


Monday, October 2, 2017

10/2/2017

Morning:
Got up suuuper early. Woke up at 6 am to talk to Adam for half an hour, nice call as always! I asked him if he thought Chikako from Terrace House was hot and he got really uncomfortable LOL. He's so sweet. We also talked about the Las Vegas shootings a bit and how terrifying it was.
Then I got ready for my 8 am with Audrey. The class seems like it will be a lot of work, but not TOO hard. I'm glad that I have a background already in programming to help. The professor is young and seems like a really kind dude. No exams at all, but a lot of homework! Afterwards, I went to Cristina's office to do some studying since it's quiet there. I got to see Cristina again!!! She wasn't as excited as I was to see each other again, but she was definitely happy about it. I also got to see Jenny and chat for a bit. It was kind of weird being there though since I'm not working in their lab anymore. They say that I can study if there's ever desk space, but at the same time I feel kind of out of place there. I'm still on the lookout for other study nooks.

Daytime:
I got lunch with my mentorSEAS group, it was overall a good time. It's still kind of weird that they're all younger than me, but they're really nice for the most part. To be honest, I haven't super duper clicked with any of them, but I definitely do not mind being friends. Also, it was nice getting treated to lunch.

Afternoon:
I had my Statics class at 4pm, and it went well for the most part. The instructor seems intense, but at the same time a good professor. I'm super glad that Audrey is in the class with me, because most of the other students seem younger. The material so far is stuff I've already learned, so I'm feeling good! Now I'm just trying to make sure that I'll be keeping up with all of my classes. I'm kind of nervous, but I also have confidence that I'll be fine.