Wednesday, November 9, 2016

11/9/16: lol

I'm so annoyed at myself right now lol. It's been almost two months since Adam's been at UCLA but I still get jealous and a little bitter whenever he goes out to drink. I was feeling a little upset tonight because he was going to a wine and cheese club. I told him I thought it would be fun but now I'm feeling... negative about it. I'm still thinking of scenarios of him meeting some new people who might pull him away from me or meeting girls who might flirt with him. It still makes me feel so weird thinking about him drink so often. I don't know why still though? I honestly don't care if my friends drink alcohol or if nina smokes weed, so why am i so bothered every time I think of Adam drinking? I think I feel so... possessive over him. I'm still uncomfortable with strangers (to me) seeing sides of him that only I saw. I feel bad now for being short with him during our call but he's too busy with other people now.
I hate these feelings I'm getting because they're so unhealthy. It's not good for either of us when I'm petty like this. I'm really trying to stop being possessive and jealous. It's still a habit of emotions for me though and sometimes it gets out of hand. I do trust him and know that he wouldn't betray that trust. I'm just still trying to keep myself together... I feel like such a mess right now. I told him that I wasn't bothered even though I was short with him and I WAS bothered. I didn't want him to know... I will just text him I guess and hope for the best that he won't make it a big deal.

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