Saturday, September 17, 2016

9/17/16: A Change in a Saturday

88 days until Costa Rica!

Lol today was weird. It was my first Saturday in a while that wasn't spent with Adam. It had good parts and strange parts...

I had breakfast really early in the morning with Jake and a 8 other people I know from middle school who I'm still (mostly) good friends with. Even though most of them were guys, they were still really good company. I had a really nice time talking, eating and joking around and even though I don't see Jake and them that often, it's still sweet that we still consider each other good friends and can still hang out like nothing's changed after months of not seeing each other.

Work was quick and easy, nothing monumental. I'm glad to be more working some extra hours for money, especially with my pay raise!

Other than that, I played Ace Attorney for the rest of the day and worked on physics homework. I thought it would be due tomorrow, but my professor changed the due date to Tuesday! I'm so happy~.

Not much to say about Adam today lol. Trying not to make my life all about him, even though he's a pretty big part of my life. We rabbit'd and watched Steven Universe, but towards the end of my call, he thought for some reason that I was upset at him and said bye, hung up, and then some disconnection problems happened that made me think he was mad at me and vice versa, but neither of us were upset lol. He told me he met new people today, and I didn't worry much about whether or not he met ~cool and pretty~ girls to hang out with. I know he'd tell me right away if something was up regarding that and if he doesn't... well let's just hope it doesn't come to that. I think I'm seeing him tomorrow for I don't know how long, and I'm excited to see him but he didn't seem excited about it.. It just sounded he felt like "oh yeah i'm seeing her no big deal." I hope he doesn't start taking me for granted, especially during this changing point in our relationship. I'm pretty sure I'm overthinking it though and I neeeeed to stop doing that because it gives me such unhealthy thoughts. He's probably excited but just doesn't want to express it. I hope he can do his part in making tomorrow fun!

Things I'm grateful for

  1. that due date change yesss
  2. spending time with my grandparents
  3. my cozy home

Friday, September 16, 2016

9/16/16: Gratitude and Growth

89 days until Costa Rica!

I had a really normal-ish day today. Most exciting thing that happened was that I went to my gynecologist's office for a prescription refill and their new office was so beautiful! It made me kinda butter when I went back to work though because our office is super small and bland. Other than that, I learned a lot about my vagina and pap smears, and I'm glad I did because no one in my life ever really sat me down and talked about these important things with me.

Work was crazy as usual, but I'm used to it by now and my kind(er) coworkers were there. I felt more relaxed and productive when I was done, but still pretty tired so I haven't done any school work since I got home. I kind of regret it since I have a lot to do still, but I have tomorrow afternoon free, so I'm promising myself that I'll do a lot then!

Emotionally, I've been pretty good. I've been busy and wanting to spend time by myself today, so I didn't have space in my head for negative vibes. I started missing Adam a little, but that should be normal of course! We got to talk on the phone though and have a really nice conversation, so it doesn't feel like he's disappeared from my life. I'd definitely feel upset/sad if I had to go through another whole day without talking to him again. I'm really happy our communication is good still and tomorrow we're watching Steven Universe together through! I'm not feeling nearly as upset about being apart from him as I was when he was in Japan in 2015. This really shows how much I've been growing as a person and I'm so so so proud of myself of coming this far. Of course, I might feel worse later in the week when the number of days that I go without seeing Adam grows, but that'll force me to become more independent because I won't benefit from moping around. Either way, I'm still going to end up benefitting from this all. I'm working on a playlist for him right now~. I hope he likes it!

I'm also feeling really good because my best friends and I spent some time in our group chat telling each other how much we love each other and it made me feel oh so warm~. I'm also telling Nina everyday how much I love her lol I'm so lucky to have such precious friendships in my life.

Tomorrow I have most of the day free... I hope I can force myself to be productive...

Three things I'm grateful for:
  1. Ace Attorney 6 
  2. My dinner of pad see ew tasted so good!
  3. Watching Filipino dramas with my mom

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

9/14/16: Temporary Good-byes

91 days until Costa Rica! 

The most significant thing that happened today was that it was the last day with Adam before he moves to UCLA. I used to dread the coming of this day before, but while I was with him today, I felt nothing but positivity for our future. We spent the day running errands, going to different stores and having fun during all of it~. At the end of the day, we cuddled and stuff and by the time I had to leave, neither of us had a sad look on our faces. It really soothes me that both us have confidence that our relationship will be okay, probably more than okay, despite this change in his life. Not to mention, I wholly support him in gaining new experiences to help him grow. When I think of our relationship, I feel nothing but warmth, happiness, and hope.

Other than Adam... I've been working on physics just all week! It's been kind of fun though because I'm doing a set of challenging problems and so far I've been able to work out the right answer after some thorough thinking. The feeling of finally solving a difficult problem is so satisfying! I still have to redo the problems for practice for the exam in two weeks, but as long as I keep a steady study pace, I should be good.

Right now I'm trying to figure out how to study for the listening portion of my music exam... I have to remember at least 15 different tracks of music from different countries, but it's hard to find time to sit down and JUST listen. If I listen while doing something, I might miss out on key elements. I'm still trying to find a good balance in my study routine!!!

With that, I'm going to bed with a calm and warm heart. I've been reminded today that I have such loving friends, family, and boyfriend in my life. The hardest part of my day is waking up because I've been waking up again with thoughts of anxiety or negativity. It's a subconscious habit I think, so I'm going to meditate before sleeping to see if that changes anything.

Three things I'm grateful for today:

  1. Friends
  2. Family
  3. Adam (and Buddy)

Monday, September 12, 2016

9/12/16: What's Physics Club?

93 days until Costa Rica!

I checked my weight yesterday and somehow my weight is now 119 lbs... I guess the calorie watching for two weeks have paid off! 120 was actually my target weight, so now I can just focus on maintaining this weight and trying not to gain any. This is actually such a relief though because now I can eat a little over 1800 calories as opposed to ~1550. I can relax more now lol...

I'm spending my free time at school this week helping out my physics friends with their Mathematical Physics club. I'm sitting at the booth trying to get people interested in the club, but it's hard because a lot of people get scared away... I'm trying to advertise it as more casual than it seems and hopefully get more female members because only guys signed up for the email list while I was there :( Still, it feels good to help and my friend bought me a green tea as thanks! 

I felt kind of weak though when I left school which is weird since I are breakfast, snacks, and a sandwich for lunch. Maybe I should bring healthier foods to eat to school? I definitely need more energy foods... I felt so weak that when I got to Adam's I wolfed down two bowls of spaghetti and I was such a happy camper! 

I played for Ace Attorney 6 too and my feelings for it are kinda mixed. Of course I love it because the Ace Attorney series has always been amazing. But I'm also getting annoyed at the little things, like a bit of excess in unnecessary dialogue and how there's no option to skip through said dialogue (unless you've listened to it already, like in a testimony). Also, some of the characters make me upset but that could just be me being overly emotional! I still really like playing it and so far haven't needed a guide, but that doesn't mean it's not challenging. In the end, I'm super addicted and want to play it all day but I also have the Hanayo event to worry about ughhjfkgdf. Priorities.....

I've started trying to meditate again in the mornings and it's so good for keeping down my anxiety. I've been feeling more anxious in the morning before classes because of school and other events, but meditation has been helping me feel calmer and sleep better!!! I'm thinking of making a blog post about it on my main blogspot because it's really helping. 

Three things I'm grateful for: 
  2. my eyeliner looked really good today lol
  3. talked to someone nice who i didn't know in my poli sci class

Monday, September 5, 2016

9/5/16: Labor Date Day

100 days until Costa Rica! 

So excited for that! Also represents the number of days I have left in fall semester, lol.

Today I had another date day with Adam because I have the day off from school (thank god). It was a normal lazy date day; I went to his house at 10 and we watched a couple episodes of Breaking Bad while he played Hearthstone and I played Love Live. That show is soooo crazy lol. Then around 12:30, we went to Original Pancake House to see if we could eat there for lunch, but the wait was too long so we bought some groceries to make hot dogs instead. Adam made them taste really delicious~. We watched Breaking Bad while we ate and then afterwards, cuddled and stuff in bed until I left at 8.

While we were relaxing, we talked a little about how Adam is moving to UCLA next week. I told him I was fine, and he seems to be good about it too, he just wanted to see how I was feeling. The only thing that made me nervous was that he wasn't sure if he was going to be coming home on the 24th, which would have been the first time I would see him after he moves in on the 15th. Obviously I'm worried because I want to know when I'm going to be seeing him next so I have something to look forward to during my week. But he's not sure if he'll be able to come home since his class schedule isn't 100% finalized and he's not sure if he'll have work or studying to do over the weekend. Along with classes, he's planning on learning how to play piano and studying Japanese. It makes me really nervous knowing that I can't plan the days we'll see each other, like, a WEEK ahead, but I told him how important that was to me and he said that he would definitely tell me ahead of time, earliest on a Thursday. I'm trying to look at the positives of this and seeing this as an opportunity to have more time to be productive in my work and me becoming more independent. I can't help but feel sad though that I only have less than 2 weeks of regularly scheduled dates with him... But, he's confident that our relationship will stay strong so I have to do my best to believe so too.

Health wise, today's foods weren't too great.
Breakfast - 3 taquitos
Lunch - 2 beef hot dogs with Frito twists (I ate pretty late at like 2:30)
Dinner - Pancit canton because I ended up not eating dinner until I came home

I didn't exercise today either, which sucks but I'm going to go on a run tomorrow after I come home from school.

For the rest of the night, I'm going to do some readings and get ready for school tomorrow. I really don't want to wake up so early just for parking if my class starts at 11! Desperate times :-(

Three things I'm grateful for today:

  1. Buddy Buddy Buddy
  2. Finishing physics homework early and now i'm not worrying about it~!
  3. Green tea

Saturday, September 3, 2016

9/3/16: Productive in Every Way

102 days until Costa Rica!

Today was a really good day. I had a date day with Adam and went over to his house at 9 and we spent the first couple hours sleeping in. Afterwards, I sat down and finished up my online physics homework, and I felt pretty good about it because I didn't need to use the solutions manual much. We watched some Breaking Bad, folded clothes, went to UPS to drop something off, got food at Rascal's. Most of the evening was spent at the mall because Adam wanted to buy new clothes for the school year and new shoes and sandals. He bought a lot of new clothes from Uniqlo and it was really fun helping him shop for new clothes. We stopped by Nature Republic and since I didn't spend that much money this week, I treated myself to a one-time use hair mask and a green tea emulsion. I have samples and the mask that Carrie gave me too, so I think I'm going to blog about it tomorrow! After the mall, we went to the park to play tennis for a good 30 minutes and it felt really good. I haven't played for a couple weeks, but I can tell that I've gotten better. We ended the day eating chicken sandwiches, eating ice cream, and watching one more episode of Breaking Bad.

I ate under my calorie goal and reached my step goal! I got over 6k steps thanks to walking around the mall. Tennis made me feel pretty healthy too since there was a lot of running around.
Breakfast: Krispy Kreme glazed donut
Lunch: Half of my sofritas Chipotle bowl and half a bag of Chipotle chips
Dinner: McDonald's McChicken

I'm becoming super obsessed with Hippo Campus and I'm having a celebrity crush on their bass guitarist, lol. I wanted to go to their concert at a music festival in Long Beach, but it's on Mama's birthday, so I really shouldn't go. Still, I hope they come to LA soon so I can meet them in person.

Adam is leaving for UCLA on September 15th, but I'm not worried about it anymore. When I think about it, I don't feel anxious because I know he'll be faithful. I can trust that he'd never cheat on me, and we will still see each other and talk to each other enough to keep our relationship going well. Even right now, we can talk about it with ease and have incredibly fun times together. He makes me so happy and I have high hopes for us in the future~