6/30/2018

this week has been a really interesting one...
I spent a lot of time with Brendan and I think our relationship is definitely like a casual romantic relationship?? It's definitely not like a boyfriend/girlfriend type of serious relationship. It's more like we like to hang out with each other, go out to eat, go to Disneyland, kiss and other stuff. And he's really easy to be with and we both find each other really attractive.
Yesterday he slept over after we played a Game of Thrones drinking game, making out, and then sleeping together. It was the first time that I had sex with someone since breaking up with Adam and for the most part, I feel pretty good about it. There was consent to everything and it felt really good and enjoyable. Dr. Bassi told me that I should be able to have sex without feeling any guilt because it's something that I need to satisfy for myself. Or something like that. And the sex was really nice, we both like each other a lot, and it was just fun! I'm trying not to make a big deal about it and I feel like this is kind of opening up a new part of me that's accepting a sexual life without any long-term commitments. I've never been in a casual romantic relationship before and honestly right now it feels really nice. Brendan understands why I don't want a serious relationship after I explained all of it to him, so it's great because we're both on the same page about it! Whether we're exclusive or not hasn't been talked about, but right now I'm not attracted to anyone else.
After sex, we talked for like two hours in bed about random things and deep personal stuff like past relationships and personal growth. I had heard from other people things about Brendan and I wasn't sure what to think of it, so it was good to hear things from his side of the story. In the end, he seems to be aware of mistakes and is trying his best to fix his flaws and grow; which is super mature!
Eventually, we fell asleep but then woke up at 7:30 am. We ended up making out and having sex again, but this time we both came :-) it felt SO nice. And then to make the morning even better, we went out to a cute cafe in Westwood for breakfast! We ate delicious breakfast food, had tea and lovely conversation. I ate a breakfast sandwich that consisted of bacon, avocado, goat cheese, and a fried egg in between a brioche bun. It tasted AMAZING, especially with English Breakfast Tea.
After breakfast, Brendan went to work and we said our goodbyes for the week. I probably won't see him until Thursday because of the holiday.
I spent the rest of the day at home, cleaning my room, doing laundry and going out the Drake Stadium to go for a run. It was the last day of my Fitness Blender workout program, so I ran a mile to check my progress. I went from a 9:20 mile to an 8:24 mile!!!! I was so shocked to see how much I improved! I was worried that I wasn't making any progress because I still felt a little flabby, but seeing how much I improved from the beginning of May was amazing.
I'm going to continue the program again for the rest of the summer to keep up with exercise. I am also debating whether to sign up for a kickboxing class for the summer to find some new hobbies.
I spent the rest of the evening napping, working on homework, looking at food online, and then eating dinner. I'm going to sleep early since I haven't slept much the past two days.
Tomorrow right now all I have on my to do list is to pay bills, do homework, fold laundry, and maybe go for a run. I'm trying to explore what it is that I want to do in my free time. I'm gonna spend some time tomorrow doing some personal exploration exercises to learn about myself more and figure out how to change my lifestyle to make myself the happiest person I can be.